What I’ve learned from six years of sobriety

It’s my sober birthday today! I’m six years sober! Yay! 

I’ll be brief. There’s a ton of stuff happening behind the scenes and I’ve had little time to work on this blog or the Patreon for the past WEEK. (Hence no #LOAMonday last week or this week — I’ll catch up). 

Since I've written some blogs, I’ll post those soon. 

For now, I’ll give you my TL;DR version of what six years of sobriety has taught me. 


I’m a unicorn 

Rare, bright, and colorful… But mostly rare. I don’t go to meetings anymore, I no longer believe in 12-step programs, I’d rather die than sit around and aimlessly talk without a goal in mind… I never went to detox or treatment, aka “rehab.” I never lived in an Oxford House… There are so many things I just didn’t do or didn’t fit into and that’s OK. I’m still sober and six years have passed! 

Some people just get sober 

I see a lot of people “in the rooms” get a free pass for bad behavior just because, “Well, they didn’t relapse!” When I say “bad behavior” I am talking about behavior which harms other people. This is part of the reason why I avoid “the rooms.” Some people JUST get sober and that’s it. They never grow beyond abstinence. They still behave badly, refuse to grow, and never gain new skills. You have to gain new skills for coping, emotional intelligence, career, cooking, life, etc. 

Dating still sucks 

I have yet to find a dating app that doesn’t list a person’s drinking preferences in their profile. It truly shouldn’t matter. People are going to lie about it anyway — even if only to themselves. 

The fact that alcohol is still a big part of dating and that this social construct revolves around it to this extent is something we need to move beyond. 

But I am also in Kansas, where men’s dating pics show them posing with a fish they caught. So it’s whatever. 

I’m kinda over coins 

I used to be super excited about my birthday and I’d pick out a “bling coin” for myself online. Now, I could care less. Let’s eat some cake and have a few laughs. Celebrating two birthdays a year (sober and born day) is still pretty cool. 

There is so much more out there then they are even telling you about! 

This is for the newly sober and/or struggling. There’s so much more out there for you after you get sober. There’s more than the 12-steps. There’s more than I’ve even been able to try yet. I tried SMART Recovery (online) and loved it. Now I’m reading “The Freedom Model” and feel completely validated just a couple chapters in! 

Normies always want to know what drug you used 

There’s so much labeling in sobriety. The normies do it. Even the people “in recovery” do it. 

I’m not “in recovery” 

I’m a retired alcoholic and drug addict. Calling myself an addict or alcoholic in the present tense isn’t my truth. I haven’t touched drugs in 17 years. I haven’t touched booze in six years. So if you don’t do something anymore, what are you? Retired! I’m retired. 

I have grown to reject the idea I’m a constant piece of shit that can’t trust herself and needs to be fixed and is ready to relapse at any point in time. 

I don’t like “recovered” either, because I have a lot of 12-step de-programming left to do. Are we all recovering from something? Maybe not. The idea of calling myself “a recovering addict” as if I am still recovering from addiction after six years…just doesn’t make sense. 

By the way, this is the language the government prefer we use. I reject it. 

Perhaps activism is the best route 

I truly love helping people. Sometimes, I think the best route would be through just doing the work as an activist. I’d love to bring the Church of Safe Injection here, have Narcan all over my city, a needle exchange, and drug testing tents at every concert. I’m in the Midwest. We’ll see… 

6 year sober me .JPG

Sober 6 years

Thanks for the love!