It’s a new moon night. Time to set those intentions.
I’ve recorded a Fearless 5 Podcast about this. You can listen to it here.
It’s also a lifestyle, so it’s much more than a podcast. I’ve been through HELL since May. That’s when it started; May 17 was when my cat died. It’s been downhill ever since. I say this because I’m real. I’m not going to put myself on some pedestal like I’m some guru life coach who has it easy. There’s plenty of those out there. But I am here to help people and being inauthentic helps no one. I learned this as a sober coach — a career in which I made my mess my message.
I’m not ready or able to talk about some of the things I’ve been going through, especially since July. But it’s involved the BIG areas of life, and subsequently, a LOT of grief.
With all the pain and grief since May, I saw that I was lapsing back into a pattern of behavior I thought I had long let go of during previous self-development work. Nope. But here’s what it taught me. Aside from what I already know, which is that we are never done learning and growing. I learned that my response to stress is to try and control it. (Whatever “it” is, or things, or people, outcomes, etc).
Don’t underestimate the power of this. It’s simple.
The more out of control my life appears to be (to me), the more I try to control it. The reason I thought I had addressed my controlling behaviors is that I’d heard the refrain of, “Let go or be dragged,” so many times in 12-step groups. I thought I was practicing surrender because I had heard the slogans about it so many times. But, no. AA had fallen short of giving me actual help — yet again. Once again, I needed something deeper that I could actually put into practice.
I need to actually practice surrender. Daily. Hourly.
Not just talk about it or browbeat others with it in “meetings.” It’s one thing to talk about it. It’s a whole new thing to actually PRACTICE surrender. (BTW, I’m still sober since 7/1/13 and stopped going to meetings ages ago).
This is why surrender is my only intention now.
For this new moon, this week, this month…from now on. I want to stay in surrender. I want to let go and walk away. I want to put all those out-of-control things I am grieving into a basket and send it on. Maybe it goes up to the sky in a hot air balloon, or maybe that basket floats down the river. Whatever. I have to feel like I have given it up and it’s gone, so these are the types of things I visualize.
Growing up in less-than-ideal situations in which my emotions and many other needs were neglected, OF COURSE, I turned into someone who wanted to be in control! Of course, I want to feel safety and security and all the wonderful things the illusion of control gives us, right?
I’m not that child in those situations anymore. I’m a grown-ass 40-year-old woman who’s been trying for more than a year to heal her inner child. I’ve done pretty well so far if I do say so myself. I’m going to keep doing that work, too. I’m not done. In fact, Fearless 5 podcast #48 talks about a miraculous healing my inner child received this week from out of nowhere!
Here’s how I plan to surrender consistently every day:
It’s not my job to control or fix.
It is, my job, however, to say “yes” to opportunities that come my way.
I’m going to stop trying so hard. If it’s meant to be, it will be.
I am absolutely NOT allowed to worry. It’s a waste of time. I will live in the solution. I will NOT focus on the problem. Catching myself worrying means I am OUT of surrender and lapsing back into trying to control or “fix.”
No more hustle. I cannot, repeat — CANNOT make things happen.
All I can do is be in the flow and work on becoming an energetic match to what I want.
No more chasing. The second I start chasing something or trying to make it happen — I’m toast. I’m OUT of surrender at that point.
I will spend time daily in activities of surrender — that means prayer, meditation, and time with the deity of my choice. Sometimes that’s Buddha. Sometimes that’s Jesus. Sometimes it’s very Christian worship. Sometimes, it’s not. This is just who I am and why I don’t fit into any physical “church.”
You really want to surrender? Do yoga. Nothing shows me how much I cannot control like the limitations of my own aging and inflexible body. So I’ll be doing that.
I’m sharing here because it will help someone else. This is how we surrender. I also wanted to share my new moon intentions for once. Here they are…
If you’d like to share yours, comment below. If you want to share about surrender or anything else, I’d love to hear it!